Dead Ends and Brick Walls

I’m not suggesting that no-one has bad days, and I know full well that most teenagers feel this way every now and again. However, one bad day turned into a bad week and that bad week is swiftly becoming a bad month. 

I just feel like however hard I try, there is always somewhere there to push me back down to where I belong , back in the realms of 15 year olds who still can’t spell which and don’t know their 4 times table (don’t laugh, it’s not funny). And I do try hard, I try damn hard, a damn lot harder than the people who get the things I know I deserve just by being naturally clever and naturally good at sport and naturally able to pass exams. 

I don’t wish to sound big headed (believe me, in metaphorical terms my head may as well not be here at all at the moment) but I know I deserve to get good things in life. I may not be the cleverest or the sportiest or the most artistic, but if someone decided to  take the smallest bit of notice of me, they might just see how hard I try to be those things. 

I know I shouldn’t be complaining, I know I really have a fantastic life, but it’s hard when you just don’t feel like you any more.

And that’s exactly how I feel. I didn’t used to care what people thought of me, I thought I’d made my peace with the fact I’m not really the best at anything. But this last month, for the first time in a long time, I just want someone to take some notice of me.

I don’t want much. I’m not asking for everyone to bow down at my knees. In fact, I’m not even asking for attention.

I just want someone to acknowledge the fact that I am trying my best. 

I just wish school wasn’t based around who can suck up to a teacher the best, or who can play netball best, or who can get their hair the straightest. I just wish school was based around who just got their head down, did their work, and tried damn hard at it too.