The fascination of science tables

There is something truly fascinating about science tables which I only fully appreciated today.

Whilst in the middle of an extraordinarily boring physics lesson, I could think of nothing better to do than read the tables, something I have never properly done before.

Since there where a couple of interesting things I discovered, I spotted a good blogging (and list) opportunity.

(If you don’t know what I mean by ‘reading the tables’, at my school we have those big old wooden science desks engraved with decades worth of carvings)

  1. The first thing I discovered is ‘Bailey hearts Daniel’. Ahh the classic, engrave the name of you and your year seven boyfriend in a desk so students for years to come will know about your short lived relationship. From the large scribble over the top(which, due to a large ink stain at the end, appeared to have been drawn with such anguish the pen broke), I can deduce that the relationship did not end on good terms.
  2.  ‘Malcolm has a tiny dick’. Another fascinating discovery accompanied by a drawing which I will leave to your imagination.
  3. ‘I hate science’  ‘I HATE YOU!’  A lovely conversation scratched into the table, destined to be read for years to come.
  4. A collection of surprisingly well drawn eyes with the comment ‘swagtastic’  sprawled beneath. Weather these two engravings where made by the same person, or if they are even connected, will remain a mystery.
  5. ‘I ❤ you’  ‘I ❤ you 2’. At first  I wondered if this beautiful and heart felt message was written by courting buddy’s who fell madly in love over the flame of a bunsen burner, or perhaps friends who felt the need to express  their affection for each other in the middle of chemistry. However, after close inspection, and a consultation with my lab partner, I discovered these two messages where written in the same hand writing.
  6. The words ‘tick if bored’, followed by a series of ticks in thick black white board marker. A classic and truthful doodle.
  7. A pair of badly drawn science googles with the words ‘stay safe’ above them. Weather this was drawn in a sarcastic way or by a true safety fanatic we will never know.
  8. ‘Miss… (Lets call her Miss X)’ drawn in red marker pen with a wobbly heart shape surrounding it.Since the sharpee fumes could still be detected lingering in the air, I can only assume this was drawn in a sarcastic manner by a member of the class who had just departed from double biology.
  9. A rather touching poem entitled ‘f*ck’

                 F*ck science, F*ck this school, F*ck the world and F*ck you to’

    Apart from the fact this is rude and sloppily rhymed, I was quite impressed. That many words engraved that deeply in a table takes time and dedication.

  10. And finally ‘0892635746335 call for sexy times x’. Hmm… maybe not?

I hope you enjoyed that journey through my science table, and believe me, there where plenty more engravings to busy myself with.

Thanks for reading!


Nine pet peeves

Pet peeves. Everyone has them but mine have been particularly peevish (apparently that’s a real word) this week. This inspired me to bring you a list of my top nine pet peeves.

Not sure why its nine, just seemed like a good number.

  1. People who mix up the words genuinely and generally. AGGGGHHHHHHH!!! When will people learn that these are two different words? Just encase you a culprit of this, here is a quick definition.Genuinely; truly: in accordance with truth or fact or reality

    Generally: in most cases; usually.

    Glad we got that one sorted out.

  2. When one student keeps the entire class behind just by asking ridiculous, unrelated questions that could have been asked at any other time in the lesson. Happened three times today.
  3. That old man who insists on sitting next to you on the bus so not only do you have to engage in awkward conversation, but shuffle past them when it gets to your stop. Learn form my mistakes, always sit on the seat next to the isle.
  4. When a group of three people sit directly in the middle of an empty lunch table taking up five seats more than they need to.
  5. Slow walking people. MOVE OUT OF MY WAY. There is nothing in the world more irritating than being stuck behind a slow walker taking up the entire pavement. Oh wait, what if there’s an entire group of them just casually strolling along the pavement when I am approximately 7 minutes late for my bus. Oh wait, it gets worse. What happens when they stop directly in front of you, causing a collision and 4 angry drivers to yell out their windows, middle fingers in the air, as you almost fall into the road in front of them.
  6. When people have ‘photographer’ or ‘photography’ in their instagram bio’s when I know full well they are just a 15 year old kid from my school with an instagram account.
  7.  People who don’t stop to let you cross at a zebra crossing even when its pouring with rain. What’s your problem? You’re in the warmth of a car. You could at least wait 10 seconds for me to cross the road.
  8. When something I’ve been into for a long time becomes popular. This just makes me want to scream. Don’t pretend you love them when I’ve been watching that show or listening to that music for 2 years.
  9. When the teacher wipes something off the white board but there is still a tiny bit left. I have no idea why, but this irritates me to the max. No, it more that irritates me, it physically disturbs me. I just can’t concentrate when there’s that tiny bit of marker pen just sat on the board, leering at me, gradually pulling me towards insanity. And this doesn’t go away when I leave the room. Oh no. The thought that that little bit of pen is still sat on that board torments me all day, slowly driving me mad.

I would say I hope you relate to these but after that last one I’m not so sure.

Thanks for reading!

Answering ‘unanswerable’ questions

Something that has always bugged me are so called ‘unanswerable questions’. The main reason for this in THEY’RE NOT UNANSWERABLE! Anyway, I have taken the liberty to scour the web for these ‘unanswerable questions’ so I can irradiate them in front of the whole internet. Or the 6 people that will view this post.

Can you cry underwater?

Yes. Tears can leave your tear ducts while you are underwater but you would not last very long as crying causes you to inhale which, since you’re underwater, would kill you.

If you pamper a cow do you get spoiled milk?

No. Just no.

If you burp and fart at the same time would it cause a vacuum in your tummy?

I actually had to look this one up and here’s what I found: ‘No, burbs originate in the upper GI tract (stomach and esophagus) while flatulence is caused by the build up of gases in the intestine’. Every answer can be found on yahoo.

Why does the Easter bunny carry eggs when bunny’s don’t lay eggs?

I genuinely thought this may be an unanswerable one but another trip to yahoo proved me wrong. It turns out eggs and rabbits are both a symbol of rebirth which is what Easter is all about.

Why doesn’t the hair on your arms grow as fast as the hair on your head?

It does. It just has a much shorter maximum length.

What happens if a black cat walks under a ladder and breaks a mirror?

It will most likely get glass in its paw and need a trip to the vet.

Can you slam a revolving door?


What would happen if you found a four leaf clover under a ladder?

Nothing. It’s called superstition.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

I highly doubt it.

What is love?

An emotion caused by a chemical reaction inside of you so you will find a mate that will give you children which are likely to survive. Sorry. I kinda killed romance a bit there.

Why doesn’t glue stick to the inside of the glue bottle?

Because glue needs to be surrounded by air to dry.

If you accidentally ate your own tongue, what would it taste like?

First of all, how do you ‘accidentally’ eat your own tongue? And second of all, no. Once you had chewed up your tongue (ew) the taste buds wouldn’t work anymore.

Do dolphins sleep?

They shut off half of their brain at a time while floating at the surface. I actually knew that.

What is the color of a mirror?

I think it has a slightly green tint or something but it doesn’t have a ‘color’ as such because it’s reflective.

What is the speed of dark?

You clearly don’t understand the concept of light.

If a tree fell in a forest and no one was there to hear it, would it still make a sound?

Ahh, the old classic. It would still create sound waves but the actual ‘sound’ isn’t created until it vibrates an ear drum so yes and no.

If Cinderella’s shoe fitted perfectly, why did it fall off in the first place?

She was in a hurry and wearing inappropriate foot wear. She is also fictional.

If there is an earthquake on Mars, is it called a marsquake?

Mars cannot have earthquakes as it does not have tectonic plates.

And finally, the ultimate question;

What is the meaning of life?

To have sex and dozens of children to keep your genetics in the world.

Thanks for reading!

What does life really give you for free?

I’ve always loved (and agreed with) the saying ‘people who say money can’t buy you happiness obviously don’t know where to shop’.
I am also constantly told by my mum that ‘nothing in life is for free’
As she shouted this in my face while I was trying to convince her that I could get an unused arctic monkeys cd on ebay for 50p, it got me thinking , what does life really give you for free?
1. Life. 99% of the time baby’s are born for free
2. Family. Apparently the most important thing in the world. My opinion on this changes hourly.
3. Friends. Usually these are free unless you are massively rich and attract gold diggers.
4. Love. Same as above.
5. Mini toothpastes on the front desk at the orthodontist.
6. Unwanted Arabian songs when you update itunes.
7. An imagination. People tend to loose this when they are about 12 but try to hang on to it. Its the most valuable thing you are born with.
8. A sense of humor. It may not seem like it but everyone has one and, unfortunately, its not something you can buy.
9. Laughter. It really is the best and cheapest medicine there is.
10. The ability to make someone else smile. It doesn’t take much to make someone smile and it will make you feel a million times better if you do.

So there you have it. 10 things life gives you for free and an argument for when your mum tells you ‘nothing in life is for free’