Dead Ends and Brick Walls

I’m not suggesting that no-one has bad days, and I know full well that most teenagers feel this way every now and again. However, one bad day turned into a bad week and that bad week is swiftly becoming a bad month. 

I just feel like however hard I try, there is always somewhere there to push me back down to where I belong , back in the realms of 15 year olds who still can’t spell which and don’t know their 4 times table (don’t laugh, it’s not funny). And I do try hard, I try damn hard, a damn lot harder than the people who get the things I know I deserve just by being naturally clever and naturally good at sport and naturally able to pass exams. 

I don’t wish to sound big headed (believe me, in metaphorical terms my head may as well not be here at all at the moment) but I know I deserve to get good things in life. I may not be the cleverest or the sportiest or the most artistic, but if someone decided to  take the smallest bit of notice of me, they might just see how hard I try to be those things. 

I know I shouldn’t be complaining, I know I really have a fantastic life, but it’s hard when you just don’t feel like you any more.

And that’s exactly how I feel. I didn’t used to care what people thought of me, I thought I’d made my peace with the fact I’m not really the best at anything. But this last month, for the first time in a long time, I just want someone to take some notice of me.

I don’t want much. I’m not asking for everyone to bow down at my knees. In fact, I’m not even asking for attention.

I just want someone to acknowledge the fact that I am trying my best. 

I just wish school wasn’t based around who can suck up to a teacher the best, or who can play netball best, or who can get their hair the straightest. I just wish school was based around who just got their head down, did their work, and tried damn hard at it too.

 

Is this an exam or…

So today I discovered that my English exam next term is to write a blog post.

WHAT?

I know, this should be a simple task for me as I write multiple blogs every week (OK, maybe not every week but I do my best). However, I am finding that this clash of hobby and examination has left me quite unnerved.

It has also made it increasingly difficult to hide the fact I do have a blog.

‘Does anyone in here have a blog?’ the teacher asked only to be replied with the blank faces of my class mates.

‘Pfft, who has a blog nowdays?’ asked the girl sitting next to me, her answer from me being a nervous laugh and a change of subject.

I also began to sweat what can only be descried as an unnatural and cascading amount as the teacher began searching for blogs written by teenagers, I mean, I know she’d have to scroll pretty far down to find this blog but boy was that the most stressful half hour I’ve ever spend to google. 

I was also vaguely shocked by all the language features that are apparently squeezed into every blog post. Is it just me that simply writes what comes to their head? Is this an absolutely awful blog? Actually… don’t answer that…

Anyway, I have now wasted half an hour of the time I was meant to be using writing practice blog posts.

Oh the irony.

 

 

 

 

The fascination of science tables

There is something truly fascinating about science tables which I only fully appreciated today.

Whilst in the middle of an extraordinarily boring physics lesson, I could think of nothing better to do than read the tables, something I have never properly done before.

Since there where a couple of interesting things I discovered, I spotted a good blogging (and list) opportunity.

(If you don’t know what I mean by ‘reading the tables’, at my school we have those big old wooden science desks engraved with decades worth of carvings)

  1. The first thing I discovered is ‘Bailey hearts Daniel’. Ahh the classic, engrave the name of you and your year seven boyfriend in a desk so students for years to come will know about your short lived relationship. From the large scribble over the top(which, due to a large ink stain at the end, appeared to have been drawn with such anguish the pen broke), I can deduce that the relationship did not end on good terms.
  2.  ‘Malcolm has a tiny dick’. Another fascinating discovery accompanied by a drawing which I will leave to your imagination.
  3. ‘I hate science’  ‘I HATE YOU!’  A lovely conversation scratched into the table, destined to be read for years to come.
  4. A collection of surprisingly well drawn eyes with the comment ‘swagtastic’  sprawled beneath. Weather these two engravings where made by the same person, or if they are even connected, will remain a mystery.
  5. ‘I ❤ you’  ‘I ❤ you 2’. At first  I wondered if this beautiful and heart felt message was written by courting buddy’s who fell madly in love over the flame of a bunsen burner, or perhaps friends who felt the need to express  their affection for each other in the middle of chemistry. However, after close inspection, and a consultation with my lab partner, I discovered these two messages where written in the same hand writing.
  6. The words ‘tick if bored’, followed by a series of ticks in thick black white board marker. A classic and truthful doodle.
  7. A pair of badly drawn science googles with the words ‘stay safe’ above them. Weather this was drawn in a sarcastic way or by a true safety fanatic we will never know.
  8. ‘Miss… (Lets call her Miss X)’ drawn in red marker pen with a wobbly heart shape surrounding it.Since the sharpee fumes could still be detected lingering in the air, I can only assume this was drawn in a sarcastic manner by a member of the class who had just departed from double biology.
  9. A rather touching poem entitled ‘f*ck’

                 F*ck science, F*ck this school, F*ck the world and F*ck you to’

    Apart from the fact this is rude and sloppily rhymed, I was quite impressed. That many words engraved that deeply in a table takes time and dedication.

  10. And finally ‘0892635746335 call for sexy times x’. Hmm… maybe not?

I hope you enjoyed that journey through my science table, and believe me, there where plenty more engravings to busy myself with.

Thanks for reading!

Time; a slippery bugger

Time is an issue for most people. However, I’ve been having some serious time management issues over the last week.

Before we delve right in, let’s clear a few things up;

  1. No, I am not going to address the fact I have not done a proper post for 2 weeks.
  2. No, I do not have an excuse.

Now that’s over with, lets get on with it.

“How did it get so late so soon?”- Dr Seauss

I suppose it all began when my clock decided to stop on Monday afternoon (yes that was 10 days ago and I’m still fuming). My clock stopped at exactly 6 minutes past 4. This meant, when I looked at my clock at 7, I congratulated myself on such fantastic time management, not realising I had managed to do what should have taken 2 hours in 7 hours. I know what you’re thinking, how did I not notice how dark it was outside? Well, here in England, it is perfectly reasonable for the sun to recline at 4 o’clock during the winter months.

I suppose the problem with time is there is never quite enough of it. No matter how hard we try, there will always be something more we could have done that day. I set myself the most ridiculous amount of tasks for the short 12 hours I am awake (and minus the eating, that probably reduces to about 8) and when they are no completed by 10, I tend to lie in bed and beat myself up. This mental abuse is not only stressful but sleep reducing. I lie awake, images of the work I could have done that day spinning round my head, until 4 in the morning when I finally manage to force myself into a strange vortex of conscious dream. This lack of sleep then means I stray in bed till mid day, reducing my time of vague productiveness to about 5 hours. Honestly, it’s a vicious circle that cannot be broken.

“If you want something done well, give it to a busy person”

Possibly the most truthful saying there is.

Last week was the half term, what used to be a relaxing and blissful time to have lie in’s and laze around with friends. Did I have time for any of these things? No, because I decided to do nothing till Wednesday and only then realise the amount of work I was meant to be doing.

‘And don’t forget your science exams!’

Thanks mum.

Anyway, since I still had the next 4 days off school I assumed I would get all my work done. Oh how wrong was I. There was always some excuse that meant it could be put off till the next day.

‘I need to clean out the hamster’

‘My friends parents are out and she’s lonely’

‘I need to get my sister’s birthday present’

And guess what, despite my stopped clock, time rolled on. Eventually (actually, not so eventually) Sunday rolled around and all my work was still sat, discarded and unloved, on the kitchen table.

Everyone clap for me!

 Well, I didn’t get any work done on Sunday as I was in high demand as a counsellor after some serious ‘boy trouble’ was encountered by my friend. However, I did manage to get it all done in three days, including school and ballet.

That just proves it. We (well me anyway) are much more productive when we are busy.

I hadn’t planned for that to be the message of this post. Oh well!

Thanks for reading!