Things I overhear at school

In all honesty, school is a pretty horrible place and the quicker I can leave, the better.

However, one of the only good things about school is the snapshots of conversations you hear by just standing and listening for five minutes.

Since I am such a kind hearted (and list loving) soul, I have devised a list of some of the strangest and down right stupid things I heard at school this week. Yes, just this week.

  1. ‘I’ve lost so much weight I’ve dropped three shoe sizes!’
  2. ‘Imagine being the first person to be pregnant, like, that must have been well weird’
  3. ‘If I bring the lube all you need to bring are your fingers’ (Really guys, in a school corridor?)
  4. ‘Come on, how dumb do you think I am, I know platypuses are made up’
  5. ‘You’ll never guess what I found out in Biology?’  ‘What?’  ‘Condoms have expiry dates’  ‘F*ck.’
  6. ‘Does this perfume smell of wee to you?’
  7. ‘I’m not sure about this nail varnish, does it look like I shat on my fingernails to you too?’
  8. ‘Is it just me who thought rats where grown up mice until like an hour ago?’
  9. ‘Sometimes I like to think about shirtless monsters’
  10. ‘Are homo-sapiens extinct because they where gay or is that just a coincidence?’
  11. ‘So miss, are bacteria always single celled orgasms?’  ‘I think you mean organisms honey’
  12. ‘Does anyone else find it proper weird that our bones are made of milk?’
  13. ‘Sir, how did the American Indians get from India to America in the first place cause like, you can’t make a plane out of a buffalo’
  14. ‘Did you know, you can get pregnant from swallowing an egg and a sperm?’
  15. ‘How come, when you have a period, the egg doesn’t come out, like, where does it go?’
  16. ‘Do you ever just think ‘Oh my God, I have a skeleton inside me!”
  17. ‘He told me I smell like a colon, do I smell like a colon to you?’
  18. ‘Why are women expected to breast feed when men have nipples too?’
  19. ‘Man I wish I was a girl, I’d just cup my boobs all day’
  20. How old where you when you lost your virginity?’  ‘Which time?’

I know people say school days are the best of your life, but I honestly find that impossible to believe, and if you think otherwise, just take another look over that list.

Anyway, if you are still lucky enough to have the joys of attending school, take just five minutes out of your Monday morning to stand and listen to the snippets of passing conversations, you will be astounded by what you discover.

Thanks for reading!

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6 procrastination methods and how to combat them

I hate to say it, but procrastination is one of my worst habits. If I have set myself a task for that day, for instance, finish a drawing I have started the day before I would literally rather do anything than that one drawing. I will happily do another drawing, art homework or sometimes. Even. English homework. But, ironically, if I have art homework due the next day I will happily draw anything but what I need to for art.

Anyway, since procrastination is a wide spread problem I have made a list of my top six procrastination methods and how to combat them

1.Watching friends.

I love friends and watch it way to much. I have the box set and have watched every single episode at least three times. See, if I’m doing homework and decide to give myself an undeserved break, I think to myself ‘I’ll just watch one episode… and another… just one more’ and end up watching an entire series. I am out of control.

You can combat this by making sure your TV or DVD is out of your site as if you can see or hear an object it makes the temptation much greater. You can also tell yourself that if you finish whatever your doing you can congratulate yourself by watching whatever it is that’s tempting you.

2. Social media.

A common causer of procrastination. It makes it even worse that my sister made the laptop automatically show facebook and twitter when you open up the internet. This means I find myself mindlessly browsing for hours instead of doing what I am supposed to.

You can combat this by making sure your computer does not show you facebook or alert you when you have a message. If you are being distracted by social media on your phone then either turn it or the alert off. If your phone makes a noise to tell you you have a facebook or text or email then you are much more tempted to check it and it takes the average person 20-40 minutes to regain concentration after checking social media.

3. music.

I tend to listen to music when I do everything, homework, cleaning, even in the shower. With some types of homework I find it useful, it tends to make me concentrate more as I am also enjoying it and not bored out of my mind. However, if I’m writing an essay and I have music on I end up either writing the lyrics down by accident or dancing around my room singing at the top of my voice.

You can combat this by either playing lyricless music or none at all. However, if I have no music on I find myself getting very  bored and restless but hey, everyone’s different.

5. Eating.

This is probably my worst one. The minute I become bored, I trick myself into thinking I’m hungry or thirsty or most of the time, both. I then take the longest time possible to make myself a cup of coffee and grab a biscuit just to avoid doing what I’m meant to. I often end up taking 20 minutes just to make a coffee by being ridiculously precise about the amount of water, coffee and milk, often using scales and measuring jugs in the process.

You can combat this by, just like the TV, hiding all food from your sight. If you can’t see or smell it, you won’t be tempted by it and won’t become hungry. I mean, it’s fine to have a cup of coffee while working just try not to take 20 minutes making it.

6. Blogging.

While trying to work, I will often have a sudden blogging idea and find myself either writing and posting it or scribbling it down in great detain in my english book. However, the minute I realize I haven’t posted in like a week I have no ideas and end up sitting and staring at my computer screen for hours on end with nothing to write.

Anyway, you can combat this by writing down an idea in notes. What I try to do if I have a sudden burst of creativity whilst doing something important is write it down in very vague and quick notes and write and post it when I have the time. This means my idea won’t be forgotten but also won’t interfere with things much more important than blogging.

So there you have it, 6 ways to procrastinate and how to combat them. I hope this maybe helped in some way? Anyway, go do something and stop procrastinating!

Back to school tips

Since the school term officially began today (but I had a non-pupil day ha) I though I would share with you some useful tips on school.
So weather you’re a year 7 just starting ‘big school’, a bored teenager preparing for another laborious year (me) or you finished school and would like to reminisce about to your school days this post is for you.
1. Never, I repeat NEVER try to act older than you are. Especially if you are a year 7. I mean, you have the advantage of being vaugly cute, you haven’t got spots yet, your hair doesn’t become greasy within 24 hours, so don’t ruin it by being a protentious, obnoxious person. You will probably get slapped.
2. Don’t try to become popular. Lets face it, the more popular become, the more hated you become. This is inevitable so don’t make the mistake of thinking you’ll be that ‘differant’ popular person who will be loved by everyone. You wont. However nice and lovely you are. You wont. Just try and keep yourself somewhere in the middle, people know who you are, but don’t care enough to hate you.
3. Don’t try and get in trouble cause you think it’s ‘cool’. Please. People who do this are the worst. You will end irritating everyone and double booked for detentions which, believe me, is not fun. Just do your homework and bring a pen. Its worth it.
4. Being a nerd is fine. I get called a nerd on a regular basis. If you like youtubers and always work hard and get decent marks there is no need to change yourself. Just try and get the balance right between friends and study and NEVER brag about good marks.
5. Be yourself and try to enjoy it. It may seem hard and complicated now but everyone says your school years are the best of you life. If something goes wrong just try and think ‘one day I’ll look back and laugh at this’

Anyway, I hope these helped somewhat and if you are starting school, try not to worry about it. It seems complicated now but just relax, go with the flow and everything will be fine. Trust me.

School supplies

It is that time of the year when you look into last years pencil case and realise you lost every price of stationary you ever owned. This meant a town trip specifically to get a 100 pack of pens. And I kinda got distracted.
I went to the biggest stationary store in my town which, of course, was filled with cheery ‘back to school’ adverts which, lets face it, are horrifically depressing. I then saw a one direction book and began reading it before quickly being informed that this ‘Isn’t a library’. I put it down and walked away awkwardly to find some pens. I then saw a poster that said ‘buy this half price book and win a chance to meet one direction’. Of course, I had to buy the book i mean, who wouldn’t? Anyway, I spent £6 on the book so had four left for all the stationary. On my way back to the pens I saw a 75% off arctic monkeys poster and I HAD to have it. That left me with just over two pounds. So, instead of only being able to buy one pack of pens I decided to spend it on something I need much more… this months vogue. Well done me.

Spelling, my strong point.

Today I discovered that GCSE’s have been changed so spelling and grammer are marked on every paper. This is a huge problem to me as I am 14 and still can’t spell ‘which’ without spellcheck. Seriously, I can never remember if there’s an h after the w or not…

Spelling has been a problem for a whole life, right from when I was in reception and spelt my one sylable name with 18 letters. Seriously. What is wrong with me? 

I also got 4 out of 30 in the ‘introduction spelling bee’ my english teacher kindly put together for us at the begining of the year. This may explain his ever lasting hatrid for me and the fact I moved down two sub levels in the space of 6 months. 

Yup, I’m doing great.

ps. I also dont know what this is ; like how are you meant to intigrate that into writing?

Where has the summer gone?!

There are less than three weeks left of the summer holidays. Three weeks. And I have done no homework, or anything else for that matter.
Anyway, I’ve just realised i have to read all of ‘of mice and men’, write and essay on the punctuation of the first chapter, do a presentation on racism in the deep south during the 1900’s and do 20 pages of my GCSE art sketch book. There is no way I’m gonna do all that.
Well you know what they say, start the year as you mean to go on! Seriously. I’m screwed.

Exam stress

When I go back to school I will be in year 10 and starting GCSE’s which is, well, terrifying as I am the laziest person I know.
Anyway, I was thinking today, why do they make us do important exams that determine the rest of our lives when we are most likely to fail? I mean, we take them when we’re 15 and 16, and when we’re 15 and 16 we either want to be sleeping or out of the house. Not revising. My point is, I’M SO SCARED.