The urban dictionary describes a ‘guilty pleasure’ as ‘something you shouldn’t like, but like anyway’. I have an epic list of these and have done for a very long time. Instead of boring you with the many hundreds I could list, here’s my top 10;
- One Direction. I really don’t see why I should feel guilty about listening to one direction and going to see their movie and having a minor obsession over Louis Tomlinson… No, really, I’m not one of those crazy fan girls who stalks them and cries when they hear their music, I just happen to like a lot of their songs. The fact that they’re all insanely attractive is just a bonus really.
- Knitting. Yeah. I’m 14 and I knit. I got a lot of grief for this in year 7 so learned to keep it quiet but, however much my friends try to hide it, when I wear something I knitted or give them a hand made decoration for Christmas, I can see a vague look of admiration in their eyes.
- Squirty cream. And I’m talking about squirting it straight from the can into your mouth. Don’t pretend you’ve never done it.
- Knee high socks. I haven’t worn knee high socks outside the house in 2 years which is probably a good thing but I have to admit I still think they look really cute and have 4 pairs.
- Trashy magazines. At my age this isn’t too much of a guilty pleasure you have to hide but I still feel like I’ve just filled my brain with rubbish after reading one. Oh well, however much I regret it afterwords, it won’t stop me reading them!
- Disney movies. Come one. However old you are, no one can resist a Disney movie. I still buy them and I don’t even have a little brother or sister to blame my growing collection on.
- Dungarees. (or overalls in America… I think?) I own 2 pairs of dungarees at the moment and they are my most worn items of clothing. I love them. They are the most comfortable things ever and, well, I think they look nice.
- Facebook games. A guilty pleasure I have never been able to indulge in. I wasn’t allowed facebook when I was 12, and all my friends where playing farmville. By the time I got facebook last year, they had gone massively out of fashion and, unfortunately, any game you play gets displayed on your profile.
- The Zoo. I go to the zoo so much with my Dad. Infact, I have a 2 year membership with them. It’s just the perfect way to fill up a boring Sunday afternoon.
- Singing in the shower. Ok… it’s more like performing in the shower. Don’t lie. You do it too.
First off, I’d like to apologize for being a bit illusive recently but back to school and homework and everything all got on top of me and blah blah blah.
But, as I’m sure you’re very excited about, I’m back!
Anyway, this may seem horrifically cliched, but I had a number of near death experiences today and only when I got home did I realize it was Friday 13th. Now I’m not a superstitious person at all, I don’t believe in ghosts or crop circles or anything weird like that but these experiences have made me slightly unsure;
- I got up this morning at the usual time of 6.45 (yawn) and, just like everyday, got in the shower. Of course I was half asleep because, well, it was 7 in the morning. Anyway, as I reached for the shampoo the bath seemed to suddenly fling itself from underneath me and the next thing I knew I was laying face down in the bath exclaiming ‘oh no’ in much more… colorful language. My legs where shaking uncontrollably and as I tried to stand up just buckled underneath me. I sat in the bath for about 5 minuets, when my legs finally stopped shaking and I got up, only to find my head was bleeding.
- I finally managed to wash my hair and got out the shower, reasonably shaken up, so decided to turn my radio on to cheer myself up. Just as Nick Grimshaw’s voice began blaring through the speakers, a weird alien like noise started radiating out into my room. I turned back to the radio and reached to fiddle with the dials when BOOM (dramatic I know) about a dozen yellow sparks flew from the speakers and landed on my carpet, thankfully not setting it on fire. This, well, terrified me so I unplugged the radio and pretty much threw it out my bedroom door.
- I managed to get to school without getting hit by a car so was beginning to think my luck was changing. I was wrong. Biology was my first lesson and we where doing a practical. Me and my lab partner Jamie got everything set up and the only thing left to do was light the Bunsen burner. Jamie got a match and as I turned on the gas everything seemed normal until suddenly it was completely consumed in flames. I am not even joking, the thing spontaneously combusted or something because a huge blue flame was licking at the pipe and a bright orange fire was making its way down the table, dangerously close to the gas tap. ‘SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIR’ we yelled simultaneously, not only attracting his attention, but the entire classes who all began screaming hysterically. The teacher. thankfully, came running over and turned off the gas tap which for some reason extinguished the entire fire. I’m genuinely suprised I’m still here to write this blog.
- After that, quite frankly terrifying experience I had art, my favorite lesson. I was glad as I thought it might calm me down and get my heart rate back to a normal pace but no, some idiot had to got and leave their oil paint on my chair which of course I sat down in and got it all over my skirt. (OK, I know this isn’t a near death experience but I think I have the right to put it in)
- As I was walking home with a paint stained skirt and a disturbed look in my eyes, I was thinking that this day could not get any worse. Just as I was thinking this, my foot plunged into a deep puddle of what appeared to be some sort of quick sand. As I frantically tried to wrench my foot free I pulled slightly to hard and shot backwards into another, smaller puddle to the great amusement of a large group of year 11’s. I was so close to tears I am surprised I managed to hold myself together. I honestly thought I had cracked some bone in my back it hurt so bad.
I then got home to be informed by an irritatingly cheery mother in an equally irritatingly sarcastic way that ‘it’s Friday the 13th, I hope where careful’. I then stalked off to my room only to remember that my radio was broken.
Anyway, that was my Friday 13th, and I promise you all these events are 100% accurate. I’m not joking.
It is that time of the year when you look into last years pencil case and realise you lost every price of stationary you ever owned. This meant a town trip specifically to get a 100 pack of pens. And I kinda got distracted.
I went to the biggest stationary store in my town which, of course, was filled with cheery ‘back to school’ adverts which, lets face it, are horrifically depressing. I then saw a one direction book and began reading it before quickly being informed that this ‘Isn’t a library’. I put it down and walked away awkwardly to find some pens. I then saw a poster that said ‘buy this half price book and win a chance to meet one direction’. Of course, I had to buy the book i mean, who wouldn’t? Anyway, I spent £6 on the book so had four left for all the stationary. On my way back to the pens I saw a 75% off arctic monkeys poster and I HAD to have it. That left me with just over two pounds. So, instead of only being able to buy one pack of pens I decided to spend it on something I need much more… this months vogue. Well done me.
I was having an arranged marriage to Tom from Mcfly in Vegas in an entirely yellow room. When I was standing at the alter I was really nervous because my previous marriage to Louis Tomlinson hadn’t worked out. Tom then walking in wearing a superman costume and we where married by the speaking hat from harry potter.
I was then on a carriage ride back to a hotel with my mum, sister and
grandma. My grandma was encouraging me to have sex with Tom but my mum threw her out the window shouting ‘my baby’s too young’.
We got back to the hotel and Tom was there and I felt like crying because I didn’t want to be married. He made me a cup of coffee and told me to sit on the giant cot we had instead of a bed. He told me I was pregnant and when I looked down I had a massive bump. I rang up my grandma and then I woke up. Yeah. I don’t even know.
Despite my traumatic experience with trains earlier this month, today me and my friends decided to take a trip to the beach with a disposable BBQ and a lot of bottles of drink.
Obviously this resulted in all of us needing to pee, little did we know the trouble this would cause us. It was one of those toilets where you have to insert a 50p coin (and a 50p coin only) to get through the turn style. Seriously, isn’t that a bit too much security for a toilet? But, not only did this toilet have a turn style, but a depressed middle aged man standing next to it to make sure no one climbed over. Wow. Talk about over protective.
Anyway, I did not have a 50p, but a £2 coin. I politely asked the man if he could swap me some change before he politely told me to ‘pee in the ocean if you ain’t got the change’. I told him my train came in half an hour so I couldn’t and that I was really desperate and could I please use the toilet. The answer, of course, was no. I ended up having to buy a drink in Starbuck so I could use their toilet and believe me it was a lot more expensive than 50p.
Anyway, this is when it occurred to me, when did it become acceptable to expect people to pay for something they physically have to do? Its not like we choose to pee, we would die if we didn’t so why does a middle aged man expect me to pay 50p to do so? This world confuses me.
Today I discovered that GCSE’s have been changed so spelling and grammer are marked on every paper. This is a huge problem to me as I am 14 and still can’t spell ‘which’ without spellcheck. Seriously, I can never remember if there’s an h after the w or not…
Spelling has been a problem for a whole life, right from when I was in reception and spelt my one sylable name with 18 letters. Seriously. What is wrong with me?
I also got 4 out of 30 in the ‘introduction spelling bee’ my english teacher kindly put together for us at the begining of the year. This may explain his ever lasting hatrid for me and the fact I moved down two sub levels in the space of 6 months.
Yup, I’m doing great.
ps. I also dont know what this is ; like how are you meant to intigrate that into writing?
I can’t sleep. I know this may seem like a ridiculously early time to go to bed but with my mucked up body clock, this is late.
I’m not entirely sure why i am having this problem tonight. I usually fall asleep literally as my head hits the pillow but tonight oh no, my body has other ideas. Instead, I fell into a strange vortex of ‘Conscious sleep’ in which I was awake and asleep at the same time and unable to distinguish between reality and dreams. This lead to a strange ‘dream’ about having a giant pet spider in a cage that attacked me through the bars by stroking my back when I tried to leave the house. Yeah… I don’t even know.
Anyway, I’m now fully awake and boiling hot but too scared to take of my covers incase of a giant spider attack. I think I might join my dad in endless family guy repeats untill 3am. Wish me luck!